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by
Kelle
Campbell
KCWriter
Warning!
-- sloppy prose ahead:
"On
occasions when specialized
personnel or additional
personnel are needed to meet a
tight schedule requirements, we
can draw upon the resources of
two other offices for
assistance."
If
you've ever written something like
this, you've been the victim of
wordiness, the fat on your copy's
bones.
The example above was taken from a
proposal. The writer could have
trimmed the text to this:
"Our two branch offices can
provide expert assistance that
will keep your project on target
and on deadline." This
version is leaner, cleaner and has
a lot more impact.
Why does wordiness happen? Usually
the writer:
- wants
to sound sophisticated or
formal
- is
nervous or unsure about the
clarity of the message
- has
not reviewed the work for
redundancies
- becomes
attached to particular phrases
- has
added padding to make the work
appear impressive or
substantial
The
three word-trimming routines below
can help you cut the flab.
1. Crunch That Padding
As
you read through your work,
mentally eliminate words and
phrases. If the piece reads well
without the extra language,
delete the surplus or rephrase
your writing. For example,
"Due to the fact that we
have met our revenue goals"
can be trimmed to "since we
have met our revenue
goals."
2. Keep
your Focus Tight
If
you're writing about widgets,
concentrate on widgets. It may
be tempting to throw in your
latest achievement or your
entire range of products and
services, but if it doesn't
support the theme, resist.
3. Cut
Back on Modifiers
Strong
nouns and verbs work better than
adjectives and adverbs. Of
course, modifiers are an
essential part of the language,
but relying on them to put the
vigor in your message results in
weaker text. "Our new
state-of-the-art widget is
exceptionally efficient, working
more swiftly than any other
model on the market" is not
as striking as "our
new LX5 widget handles projects
five times faster than the OP4,
the current market
favorite."
A
few extra words in a sentence may
seem like no big deal, but when
the most of the sentences or
paragraphs have "a little
extra," it slows the pace of
your writing and buries your
message. Don't make readers search
your text to find the substance.
Cut through the excess for sleek
text that holds attention and
enthusiasm.
Kelle
Campbell is a freelance public
relations and marketing writer.
Visit her Web site at http://www.kcwriter.com
or contact her at kelle@kcwriter.com.
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